And My Rambling Continues :)

Eat, don't eat..?
BBQ, don't BBQ..?

Listen, don't listen..?

Cry, don't cry..?

Laugh, don't laugh..?

Read, don't read..?

Sad, don't sad..?

Happy, don't happy..?

Men, don't men..?
Study, don't study..?
Try, don't try..?

Chance, don't chance..?
Think, don't think..?

Decide, don't decide..?

Change, don't change..?

I don't know..I don't know what's best for me..I don't know what's best for me and everyone around me..

I really don't know..

I really really don't know..

How do you decide? How do you decide what's best for you and everyone around you?

Can you actually get to that point? Satisfying everyone including yourself?

Do you give it a try and then see whether it falls through or fails at the end? What if you're not strong enough to face the possibility?

Or do you just make yourself happy and forget about everyone else?

If I try to make myself happy, I might break someone's heart..someone who expects me to be sad..If I stay being sad, I might break someone else's heart..someone who wants me to be happy..

Whatever I do, I'll end up breaking someone's heart.. *YESSS!*

How can you be happy making someone miserable?

*sigh sigh sigh*

Maybe I'm just built this way; a person who thinks too much and just super complicated..

Or maybe I'm just scared of life as a whole..

Or maybe I'm a better person with less on my plate and I think my life is better this way and I don't want to ruin it..

Well then, maybe I can go through my entire life without ever having to really know anybody..

Now THAT is a "super" philosophy.. *NOTTT!*

Notice how many maybes there are in this post? *YESSS!*

So, what do I do?

Probably I'm too concerned with what happened and what will happen..there is a saying, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called present" :)

I'm not perfect..no one is..

I'm incapable of making perfect decisions..just like everyone else..

I'm deeply sorry for my imperfections.. 

Maybe what I really need to do now is forget..let go..move on..redha..and keep on praying that all of us will be OK..insyaAllah..

Kesimpulan: "Setiap orang Islam mesti mempunyai ilmu, iman yang kuat, takwa, kesabaran, ketahanan, keikhlasan dan kesedaran betapa pentingnya akhirat berbanding dunia..dunia hanya batu loncatan sahaja untuk akhirat" 
(Ustaz Azhar Idrus)

*tolong faham dan amati maksud ayat dekat atas ni..then, insyaAllah all your fears will slowly disappear, Mimi*

Another One :)

Another non-black scarf of another self-edited picture.. *LOL*

For You..

Belajar Edit Gambar at Tanjung Malim :)

My cousin was very kind to lend me her scarf..cantik sangat scarf ni :) honestly, I felt weird wearing it at first because I don't usually put colorful garments on me..

Somehow I'm a weird grown-up who thinks black suits me better than all those beautiful colors in the world..

But Mom loved it! she said I look "cantik sikit dari normal days"..huhu..Alhamdulillah..kalau tak, her comments would normally be:

"eee, pucatnye! pegi beli lipstick!"

"eee, macam orang berkabung!"

"eee, boringnye asyik hitam je!"

And I would normally smile and ignore all her comments..huhu..sorry Mom..

Mom's a bit of a drama queen but I love her very much nonetheless :)

So I edited this picture especially for Mom and as a reminder for myself  to WEAR COLORS!

The Truth :|

There is no guarantee that this life is easy..

That is what we call "the truth"..

*one deep breath*

Woke up today and felt a sting of pain..I probably got hit by the dark-brutal "reality" in my sleep..

I once heard someone said, "pain is weakness leaving your body"..hmm..interesting..

But I think it goes the other way around for me..instead of weaknesses leaving my body, weaknesses just keep on piling up..haha..

* I shall continue my rambling tomorrow, insyaAllah :)*

Human "Race" :|

Life is a race..a race against time..a race with ups and downs..a race according to fate..

This is one race which I must win..well actually, the question should be, "Can I?"..or maybe the right question should be, "How Can I?"..

You ask yourself these two big questions everyday..at least I do..it amazes me how they sound almost the same and yet, they are very very different..the first question comes with a YES or NO answer..the second question might come in the form of an essay..one word creates the difference..just that one word.."How?"..

Question after question but the answer remains unknown..unknown means uncertain..uncertainty leads to insecurity..insecurity can "kill" a human..How? Take me for an example..I can't even cross the road on my own..no one understands why and neither do I..what I do understand is how stupid this is..it is so bizarrely stupid until I can't find a solution for it..there is none..or probably, I'm just too blind to see..my insecurity is eating me alive and I'm just letting it..therefore, insecurity can definitely "kill" you and you might just be too stupid to realize it..like me..

I know there are people at the other end of the world who live in constant pain..no food..filthy water..HIV..AIDS..malnourished..abused..these are the ugly facts that we are so familiar with..I know these well and I do care..

wait, that's probably not true..

I care but I haven't done anything for them? that is a contradiction of the century..*sigh*..we should all pray for them..most importantly, I should be really thankful for what I have..I have to because against the world, my problems are like tiny holes on the Great Wall of China..a bunch of nothingness..I should feel ashame if I allow them to "kill" me..insyaAllah I won't..

Sometimes all you need is to sit down  for 20 seconds and just close your eyes..imagine you're "there".."there" is your special place.."there" is your secret space.."there" is yours alone..and then, pray and pray your heart out..

My "there" has always been right in front of Babul Kaabah..I can imagine it being so close that I can actually touch the golden door..I can almost feel its coldness at the end of my fingertips..it is just around 2 o'clock in the morning..the wind breezes through my telekung..cold breeze but not chilling..so quite..so peaceful..I am there alone but I am not scared because I know He is there with me..Allah is listening..all I have to do is pray..I pray very very hard..I pray for the strength to live on..I pray for the strength of my Iman..I pray for these strengths to remain with me forever..insyaAllah..aminnn~

Sometimes Allah helps you when you're too busy making decisions..Allah might not give you what you want but please remember Mimi, Allah gives you what you need..insyaAllah..

*this is a note to myself*