Reality :(

Kalau diikutkan penerangan Ustaz Azhar, saya ni tergolong dalam golongan orang-orang yg jahil mengalahkan lembu sebab tak pandai hukum agama..ya Allah..memang banyak sangat benda yg saya tak tahu..semoga saya istiqamah untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan..semoga segalanya dipermudahkanNya, insyaAllah..sentiasalah kami bersama dengan orang-orang yg boleh membimbing kami ke jalanMu, ya Rabb..supaya kami tidak tergolong di kalangan orang-orang yg rugi di sisiMu..

Uncle Kesayangan :(

We'd really love for you to stay because you made us happy. . .

But that would be selfish. . .

Staying means you would be in pain. . .
Only Allah knows what's best for you and us. . .
Engkau hanyalah pinjaman Allah kepada kami. . .
You were never ours. . . 
Meredhakan pemergianmu is our only option. . .

InsyaAllah you're in a better place now. . .
Semoga Allah menempatkanmu di kalangan hamba-hambaNya yang soleh. . .
Rest in peace, dearest uncle. . .

InsyaAllah. . .
Amin. . .

”Jika seorang hamba Allah kematian anak, Allah bertanya kepada Malaikat:”Adakah kamu telah mengambil nyawa anak hamba-Ku? Malaikat menjawab:”Ya.” Allah bertanya lagi: “Kamu telah mengambil nyawa buah hatinya?” Malaikat menjawab:”Ya”. Allah bertanya kali ketiga:”Apakah kata hamba-Ku?”Malaikat menjawab:”Ia bersyukur pada-Mu serta mengucapkan “dari Allah kita datang dan kepadanya kita kembali”. Allah Ta’ala memerintahkan malaikat-Nya:”Binalah baginya sebuah rumah di syurga dan namakan rumah itu ‘Rumah Kesyukuran’.” 

Now :)

Haven't been writing for a while now..

Haven't had the time to read recently..

Still do things at the last minute..Somehow I feel like my brain functions better under pressure *LOL*

Miss home a lot..

I'm here..I'm finally here..Asked me last year about my future plan, I might not even mention here..Here would have been a miracle to get to..But now I'm here..Indahnya ketentuan Allah :) dari harapan Dia buatkan jalan..Alhamdulillah..

Selalunya sebelum ni nak tulis blog dalam english sebab takut lama2 nanti lupa macam mana nak cakap..Good place untuk practice *LOL*

Miss home a lot..

Prefer minum teh tarik 3 in 1 daripada coffee 3 in 1 nowadays *PELIK*

Found new friends..Good ones..

Still prefer watching movies at home rather than cinemas..

Tak boleh tidur even though sangat mengantuk..

Miss home a lot..

Remember..

Life throws you curve balls sometimes..its either you just let the balls hit you in the face or just..duck..and continue on walking..I honestly don't know how you do it but I hope that you remember to duck every now and then..please remember..please don't ever get tired of it..we need you to keep on walking..

Whenever I see you, I see me..I see the unthankful side of me..I see the selfish side of me..I see the sinful side of me..

Whenever you speak, I speak..I speak of stress..I speak of unimaginable sadness..I speak of unbearable burden..truthfully, what stressful is you calling an ambulance for your own emergency..what unimaginable is you jabbing needles to yourself 3 times a day..what unbearable is you living on your own without your parents..

How do you do it? What are your days and nights like?

I realize there are other people out there who suffer so much more than you do but you are a friend..you may not be my closest friend but you are my friend in need..

I pray for your solid strength..I pray for your quick full recovery..insyaAllah..Aminnn~

Every time..

I was listening to songs this morning..maximum volume, maximum "country"..

Got nothing out of it but loved every second of it..

Was preparing to change my whole life, my very-much-problematic-attitude, starting from today but that hasn't happened yet.. *LOL*

Between the songs and the sleeps and the many letters, I wonder..where would I be today if fate never blew my path away?

Could have been, should have been all worked out..

Don't think I don't think about it..don't think it doesn't get to me..I know what I felt..I still feel the sting of the pain..

I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face (^___^)

I'm getting just a little bit stronger..

I'm done with how it feels..I'm done dragging my sad face around..Even on my weakest days, I'm telling myself I'll be OK..

Change doesn't happen overnight but haven't cried for a while now..I guess I've been busy getting stronger :) insyaAllah..

Ya Allah..permudahkanlah urusanku di atas muka bumiMu ini..

*credits to "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" by Darius Rucker & "A little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans*

Blind Spot :|

How can you trust your feelings when they can just DISAPPEAR?

A Few Good Men :)

Remind Me :)

Before Dawn :)

Sometimes you just need somebody to point out how privileged you are..

As a Muslim, I don't believe in luck..I believe in fate..you are what you are, where you are because of fate..

Efforts are important because how can you be in your kitchen without walking towards it? flying to your kitchen is an option but you can't..you can walk though..now that is an effort right there :p

Efforts make something seems possible..

Let's just say..

Your dream is to become the CEO for a world-renowned company..you started off with zero experience, zero credential, zero credibility..you slowly worked your way up by gaining more experience, more credential, more credibility..then you would face two possible ends..either to get selected as the CEO or to not get selected as the CEO..considering your efforts thus far, you would be eligible for the promotion but fate might defy you such privilege..

When something you wish to happen doesn't happen, what else can you do except to accept it?

Does that mean you're "unluckily fated"? *NO!!!*

That means, Allah is testing you..we might not understand the reason behind it yet but insyaAllah, we'll understand it one day..

You can't shout out loud that you deserve THAT life and not THIS life! It's like questioning your boss why his signature has leverage and yours doesn't :s *LOL*


The bottom line is, who are we to question Allah's limitless 'authority' over our lives? 


We can make a thousand attempts to change anything that is bestowed upon us, but we can't fight against it when it dawns on us..we won't win against fate but we can accept it..

What we can do is too keep making attempts..Dad says, efforts are limitless..one will never run out of effort..what do you have to lose when you keep on flapping your hands to save yourself from drowning? well, you lose one possibility of dying effortlessly :)

When you know something is wrong, turn your back on it..when you know something is right, strive for it!

Selalu lah bersyukur ke atas segala limpahan rezeki dariNya..

InsyaAllah your efforts will be worthwhile :) Aminnn~

One Whole Morning with Maher Zain :)

"Every time you feel like you cannot go on,

You feel so lost and that you're so alone,

All you see is night and darkness all around,

You feel so helpless you don't know which way to go,

Don't despair and never lose hope,

Cause Allah is always by your side,

InsyaAllah.."

"When you're searching for the light,

And you see no hope in sight,

Be sure and have no doubt,

He's always close to you..

He's the One who knows what's best for you,

He knows what's in your heart,

You'll find your peace at last,

If you just have faith in Him.."

Feel like he's saying those words directly to me :)

InsyaAllah I'll find my way..aminnn~

Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb :)

I just had the most amazing time with some friends..

I didn't think that was possible considering my life was at its lowest point as per last week :p

Unexpectedly,  Mom & Dad said  yes for a one night stay at a place I had never been to..somewhere near but very out of reach before..

Finally, something impossible just made possible by virtues of solidarity and determination.. *LOL*

We laughed, we talked, we ate, we walked, we patted each other on the back..

Precious moments..

I seldom get to do all these things, so they mean a lot to me..these are the things that stay close to your heart..

Now I'm all hyped up, insyaAllah.. *LOL*

Most importantly, I feel less guilty now :)

Alhamdulillah..

And My Rambling Continues :)

Eat, don't eat..?
BBQ, don't BBQ..?

Listen, don't listen..?

Cry, don't cry..?

Laugh, don't laugh..?

Read, don't read..?

Sad, don't sad..?

Happy, don't happy..?

Men, don't men..?
Study, don't study..?
Try, don't try..?

Chance, don't chance..?
Think, don't think..?

Decide, don't decide..?

Change, don't change..?

I don't know..I don't know what's best for me..I don't know what's best for me and everyone around me..

I really don't know..

I really really don't know..

How do you decide? How do you decide what's best for you and everyone around you?

Can you actually get to that point? Satisfying everyone including yourself?

Do you give it a try and then see whether it falls through or fails at the end? What if you're not strong enough to face the possibility?

Or do you just make yourself happy and forget about everyone else?

If I try to make myself happy, I might break someone's heart..someone who expects me to be sad..If I stay being sad, I might break someone else's heart..someone who wants me to be happy..

Whatever I do, I'll end up breaking someone's heart.. *YESSS!*

How can you be happy making someone miserable?

*sigh sigh sigh*

Maybe I'm just built this way; a person who thinks too much and just super complicated..

Or maybe I'm just scared of life as a whole..

Or maybe I'm a better person with less on my plate and I think my life is better this way and I don't want to ruin it..

Well then, maybe I can go through my entire life without ever having to really know anybody..

Now THAT is a "super" philosophy.. *NOTTT!*

Notice how many maybes there are in this post? *YESSS!*

So, what do I do?

Probably I'm too concerned with what happened and what will happen..there is a saying, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called present" :)

I'm not perfect..no one is..

I'm incapable of making perfect decisions..just like everyone else..

I'm deeply sorry for my imperfections.. 

Maybe what I really need to do now is forget..let go..move on..redha..and keep on praying that all of us will be OK..insyaAllah..

Kesimpulan: "Setiap orang Islam mesti mempunyai ilmu, iman yang kuat, takwa, kesabaran, ketahanan, keikhlasan dan kesedaran betapa pentingnya akhirat berbanding dunia..dunia hanya batu loncatan sahaja untuk akhirat" 
(Ustaz Azhar Idrus)

*tolong faham dan amati maksud ayat dekat atas ni..then, insyaAllah all your fears will slowly disappear, Mimi*

Another One :)

Another non-black scarf of another self-edited picture.. *LOL*

For You..

Belajar Edit Gambar at Tanjung Malim :)

My cousin was very kind to lend me her scarf..cantik sangat scarf ni :) honestly, I felt weird wearing it at first because I don't usually put colorful garments on me..

Somehow I'm a weird grown-up who thinks black suits me better than all those beautiful colors in the world..

But Mom loved it! she said I look "cantik sikit dari normal days"..huhu..Alhamdulillah..kalau tak, her comments would normally be:

"eee, pucatnye! pegi beli lipstick!"

"eee, macam orang berkabung!"

"eee, boringnye asyik hitam je!"

And I would normally smile and ignore all her comments..huhu..sorry Mom..

Mom's a bit of a drama queen but I love her very much nonetheless :)

So I edited this picture especially for Mom and as a reminder for myself  to WEAR COLORS!

The Truth :|

There is no guarantee that this life is easy..

That is what we call "the truth"..

*one deep breath*

Woke up today and felt a sting of pain..I probably got hit by the dark-brutal "reality" in my sleep..

I once heard someone said, "pain is weakness leaving your body"..hmm..interesting..

But I think it goes the other way around for me..instead of weaknesses leaving my body, weaknesses just keep on piling up..haha..

* I shall continue my rambling tomorrow, insyaAllah :)*

Human "Race" :|

Life is a race..a race against time..a race with ups and downs..a race according to fate..

This is one race which I must win..well actually, the question should be, "Can I?"..or maybe the right question should be, "How Can I?"..

You ask yourself these two big questions everyday..at least I do..it amazes me how they sound almost the same and yet, they are very very different..the first question comes with a YES or NO answer..the second question might come in the form of an essay..one word creates the difference..just that one word.."How?"..

Question after question but the answer remains unknown..unknown means uncertain..uncertainty leads to insecurity..insecurity can "kill" a human..How? Take me for an example..I can't even cross the road on my own..no one understands why and neither do I..what I do understand is how stupid this is..it is so bizarrely stupid until I can't find a solution for it..there is none..or probably, I'm just too blind to see..my insecurity is eating me alive and I'm just letting it..therefore, insecurity can definitely "kill" you and you might just be too stupid to realize it..like me..

I know there are people at the other end of the world who live in constant pain..no food..filthy water..HIV..AIDS..malnourished..abused..these are the ugly facts that we are so familiar with..I know these well and I do care..

wait, that's probably not true..

I care but I haven't done anything for them? that is a contradiction of the century..*sigh*..we should all pray for them..most importantly, I should be really thankful for what I have..I have to because against the world, my problems are like tiny holes on the Great Wall of China..a bunch of nothingness..I should feel ashame if I allow them to "kill" me..insyaAllah I won't..

Sometimes all you need is to sit down  for 20 seconds and just close your eyes..imagine you're "there".."there" is your special place.."there" is your secret space.."there" is yours alone..and then, pray and pray your heart out..

My "there" has always been right in front of Babul Kaabah..I can imagine it being so close that I can actually touch the golden door..I can almost feel its coldness at the end of my fingertips..it is just around 2 o'clock in the morning..the wind breezes through my telekung..cold breeze but not chilling..so quite..so peaceful..I am there alone but I am not scared because I know He is there with me..Allah is listening..all I have to do is pray..I pray very very hard..I pray for the strength to live on..I pray for the strength of my Iman..I pray for these strengths to remain with me forever..insyaAllah..aminnn~

Sometimes Allah helps you when you're too busy making decisions..Allah might not give you what you want but please remember Mimi, Allah gives you what you need..insyaAllah..

*this is a note to myself*