Human "Race" :|

Life is a race..a race against time..a race with ups and downs..a race according to fate..

This is one race which I must win..well actually, the question should be, "Can I?"..or maybe the right question should be, "How Can I?"..

You ask yourself these two big questions everyday..at least I do..it amazes me how they sound almost the same and yet, they are very very different..the first question comes with a YES or NO answer..the second question might come in the form of an essay..one word creates the difference..just that one word.."How?"..

Question after question but the answer remains unknown..unknown means uncertain..uncertainty leads to insecurity..insecurity can "kill" a human..How? Take me for an example..I can't even cross the road on my own..no one understands why and neither do I..what I do understand is how stupid this is..it is so bizarrely stupid until I can't find a solution for it..there is none..or probably, I'm just too blind to see..my insecurity is eating me alive and I'm just letting it..therefore, insecurity can definitely "kill" you and you might just be too stupid to realize it..like me..

I know there are people at the other end of the world who live in constant pain..no food..filthy water..HIV..AIDS..malnourished..abused..these are the ugly facts that we are so familiar with..I know these well and I do care..

wait, that's probably not true..

I care but I haven't done anything for them? that is a contradiction of the century..*sigh*..we should all pray for them..most importantly, I should be really thankful for what I have..I have to because against the world, my problems are like tiny holes on the Great Wall of China..a bunch of nothingness..I should feel ashame if I allow them to "kill" me..insyaAllah I won't..

Sometimes all you need is to sit down  for 20 seconds and just close your eyes..imagine you're "there".."there" is your special place.."there" is your secret space.."there" is yours alone..and then, pray and pray your heart out..

My "there" has always been right in front of Babul Kaabah..I can imagine it being so close that I can actually touch the golden door..I can almost feel its coldness at the end of my fingertips..it is just around 2 o'clock in the morning..the wind breezes through my telekung..cold breeze but not chilling..so quite..so peaceful..I am there alone but I am not scared because I know He is there with me..Allah is listening..all I have to do is pray..I pray very very hard..I pray for the strength to live on..I pray for the strength of my Iman..I pray for these strengths to remain with me forever..insyaAllah..aminnn~

Sometimes Allah helps you when you're too busy making decisions..Allah might not give you what you want but please remember Mimi, Allah gives you what you need..insyaAllah..

*this is a note to myself*